Wednesday, July 15

July report from our Scottish political correspondent


You may not have heard that the snips are taking yet another leaf out of Mugabe's book, and are planning a land grab via the Scottish Land Reform Act.

The problem for the snips is that the only Jock war vets heareabouts are the ones who fought for thon Jock socialist (now multi-millionaire) Tony "Things Can Only Get Better" Blair in Iraq, and the snips don't like him anymore.

So, their plan is to redistribute the land in a different way - the longer you've been bone-idle, the fatter you are and the wider your plasma screen, the more land you will get.

As soon as the recipients realise that from their new boggy-bit lands they can't get a Sky TV signal and that the nearest offie is far more than 100 yards away, there will be a mass Jexit back to the schemes.

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