Saturday, July 18

More from our correspondent

The snips know that they haven't a snowball's chance in hell of
winning a future Scottish referendum on leaving the UK, due to the
fact that too many Scots are currently aware of the economic
consequences, so their new tactics involve:

a: Ruining the education system so that the next generation of Jocks
can't count

b: Be so nasty to the Englanders that they come to hate the Jocks as
much as the Jocks hate the Englanders
with the expectation that the Englanders then tell the Jocks to bugger
off because they are not willing to continue to sub them billions if
they're going to be so nasty.

Plan B is having some success, as the Jocks interfere with the
Englanders historic love of getting on horses and chasing an innocent
furry creature round the hills until it gives up and lets a pack of
dogs rip it to pieces. This may not be what you, I or most other
people regard as sport, but they've been doing it for centuries, and
it came in handy as training when they wanted to get rid of a
generation of silly buggers by telling them to make a charge of the
light brigade up the wrong valley.

If there is one thing that the Englanders can't stand, it's constantly
whinging Jocks walking away with Englander klonkers in their pockets
for free from lazy bugger benefits, so we will have to wait to see
what happens next.

Wednesday, July 15

July report from our Scottish political correspondent


You may not have heard that the snips are taking yet another leaf out of Mugabe's book, and are planning a land grab via the Scottish Land Reform Act.

The problem for the snips is that the only Jock war vets heareabouts are the ones who fought for thon Jock socialist (now multi-millionaire) Tony "Things Can Only Get Better" Blair in Iraq, and the snips don't like him anymore.

So, their plan is to redistribute the land in a different way - the longer you've been bone-idle, the fatter you are and the wider your plasma screen, the more land you will get.

As soon as the recipients realise that from their new boggy-bit lands they can't get a Sky TV signal and that the nearest offie is far more than 100 yards away, there will be a mass Jexit back to the schemes.

Monday, May 25