autopedophilia

Just before I went into forced exile, I had planned a special cutting-edge post to lift my flaccid visitor stats. At the place where I work, it's a sackable offence (and a criminal offence too) to have nude photos of kids on one's PC. I wondered if that would apply to nude pics of oneself.

So I planned to run a test. I was going to post the old black and white pics of my potty-training, advertise it to the HNT crowd, and watch the outrage.

That was when the people at Blogger gave me an ultimatum - leave the dear old UnHeard Ofs or they would unmask me as a half-naked therapist at my place of work. I'm perfectly normal of course, but who would have believed my side of the story?

So I had to pack up in a hurry. As a parting gesture to the penguins, I made one last visit to the brewery and emptied the vats into the southern oceans. How the dear little things burped and frolicked in the froth.

When the plane landed at Beta in New Caledonia I breathed a sigh of relief. It felt good to have left my proclivities behind on the islands. Nobody knows me here. I'll make a fresh start. A clean sheet. No more nudity and narcissism. A farewell to appendages.

And there'll be no buddhist fundamentalists breathing down my neck, daring me to make a fool of myself for the umpteenth time. I've finished with the photos of ex-brownshirt Brunhildes from my past, and I've programmed the blog autopilot to reject all comments referring to misunderstood historical figures.

Well that was the plan, but now the fiends at Blogger have gone and linked my old blog, and all my teaching blogs, to my new indentity. Disaster! So much for their promises of protection and a new life! For a couple of days this week, any of my students using the work blogs could click on "View My Profile" and then click straight through to any of the old RDD support group adverts and artistic ukulele poses.

Well I've patched that leak for now, but how long before I'm compromised again? I'm going to have to act very normal for a while.