Thursday, April 30

email from our Scottish political correspondent

I'm totally positive about the forthcoming election, because, whatever
the outcome, the Nat Nutters will be the eventual losers.


1. The Nat Nutters gain all seats in Scotland, and demand another
Referendum. This is the best outcome because, what with the fall in
oil prices and the now certainty that Scotland could not keep the £
and would have to print worthless Groats, hardly anyone who can do
sums will vote Yes in that Referendum. Having two No votes in quick
succession will surely stop even the Jock whingers for a generation or
so. This is actually why the Nippy Sweetie has more or less ruled out
the possibility of another quick Referendum.

2. The Nat Nutters do well in Scotland. The 'Red' Eds are the
largest party and form the next government with Fat Eck's occasional
support. Fat Eck writes the budget. This is not quite so good, but
what it will mean is that the economy will quickly be half-wrecked,
benefits will be increased which will mean that due to demand, the
price of street drugs will sky-rocket, and who will get the blame for
the economic downturn? Fat Eck and the Nat Nutters who have written
the budget! After a few years, the Posh Boys will be elected once
again so that they can sort things out once again. The Nat Nutters
economics will be shown to be crap, in practice.

3. Although the Nat Nutters do well in Scotland. The Posh Boys are
the largest party, and form the government with the help of the Libs
and Nigels and continue to sort the rest of the stuff out. In five
years time everyone except the bone idle will be loaded with spare
cash, and it will be plain madness to want to leave the Union for
independence. Not that this will stop the Nat Nutters from whinging.

4. No-one gets a real majority or is able to form much of a
government for any length of time. As happened in Belgium in
2010/11, you don't actually need to have much of a government for
things to continue. If things are only continuing, they can't change
much, and the economy will continue to prosper. In five years time
everyone will be loaded and (see end of 3 above).

5. The 'Red' Eds win the election outright. This is possibly the
worst scenario. The economy then does badly because the 'Red' Eds
borrow billions. The Nat Nutters whinge. But everyone knows that the
Nat Nutters' economic plans are more or less the same as the 'Red'
Eds', so the Nat Nutters' support will suffer in the long term. This
possibly worst-case scenario for Unionists is less likely, thank goodness,
because it is the Nat Nutters who are taking seats from the 'Red' Eds.
Yay the Nat Nutters! They never learn!

6. The Posh Boys win the election outright. No need for another quick
Referendum, and in five years time the rest of the stuff will be
sorted and everyone apart from the bone idle will be loaded and not
want to commit political suicide.

Of course, in the meantime we will have to suffer the global
embarrassment of seeing pissed Nat Nutters falling about in the George
Square fountains the day after the election on the news, but in fact
this will only go to show the world what they are really like.


  1. I say!

    It certainly looks as if there will be a bit of a highland charge, which will as usual be the eventual downfall of the Jocks. If only they could learn to play the long game.

    MM III

  2. A highland charge is exactly how it's shaping up. Culloden and World Cup avenged! Albert.

  3. I say!

    I heard that they are now expecting a 'political tsunami' of support - a 'tartan-wash'.

    I expect that your Scottish political correspondent would advise voters that if they want to avoid the exchequer from being completely drained into Holyrood Loch, they should vote for the Posh Boys.

    MM III