Saturday, February 6

crosscultural savagery levels

I've often been asked about the indigenous savages in the various places I have lived. In fact I'm preparing a seminar paper on Crosscultural Savagery Levels, for my colleagues at the institute. It's a comparative study of five cultures, and some of the findings are interesting:

I was once accosted and berated in German by a drunken Bavarian skinhead in the former communist zone. It was in a gents bog, and he took exception to my spitting in a wash hand basin. Perhaps he was saying I should gob on the floor, like in Jockoland. Later I realised I should have scared him off with a mouthful of Glaswegian.

The Australian natives may once have been quite savage, but not now. When I lived in Australia, it was almost shocking to realise that you could walk around the city centre late on a Saturday night without being knifed, without even being threatened. Pathetic! But that was a while ago. Albert tells me Australia is catching up with the more advanced lawless places.

Where I live now in New South Caledonia, I was once chased by a headhunter who wanted to offer me a job, but so far I've not seen any cannibals.

The situation in New Zealand, where I was researching recently, is best presented in the form of a multiple choice quiz:

The original inhabitants of New Zealand were (choose one):
  1. convicts sent out by the English
  2. invaded by the English
  3. cannibals
  4. eaten
  5. an ancient celtic tribe
But I stumbled on the most savage country when I recently caught up with a helpful 2007 comment by hotters, directing me to some Manky Records videos. In fact the most savage natives are found in cyberspace, where indigenous Scots are ahead of anyone else.


  1. I say!

    Savage behaviour sometimes happens up at the Masongola, towards closing time.

    Enjoyed the video. Doviko was rather confused by it, and no amount of explaining seemed to help.

    MM III

  2. Albert? The boy's got a well chibbed coupon as well! Classic video. How come it wasn't number one? Hotboy

  3. I say Hotters!

    I think 'Barmy Army' was number one that week.

    MM III

  4. Albert? You're right! This Chilly Jockoland is a scary country. In some countries they don't know anything about fighting. The don't even stick the nut on each other, but here the evil bourgeois kept down the good people to the extent that for most folk if you couldn't fight to get your wooden spoon into the porridge pot, you were a goner. Just as well for the rest of the world that the malnutrition kept us wee! Hope this helps. Hotboy

  5. Albert? Looked at yon vid again. The Manky boy is really brilliant. I cannot get over my admiration. Yon video is a work of art and then some. As a post-modernist contextualised hegemonist, what do you think? At first watching I didn't like it. When you realise the Manky boy is really one of them nancy folk from the public schools, it's even better! Brilliant on every level! Hotboy

  6. I say!

    I think that all five answers are correct.

    MM III

  7. Hotters. If you say the manky boy 's a Nancy boy, that's good enough for me. It takes one to know one. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    Mingers, it's catchy isn't it? You could tell Doviko to imagine it's a talking drum.