crosscultural savagery levels

I've often been asked about the indigenous savages in the various places I have lived. In fact I'm preparing a seminar paper on Crosscultural Savagery Levels, for my colleagues at the institute. It's a comparative study of five cultures, and some of the findings are interesting:

I was once accosted and berated in German by a drunken Bavarian skinhead in the former communist zone. It was in a gents bog, and he took exception to my spitting in a wash hand basin. Perhaps he was saying I should gob on the floor, like in Jockoland. Later I realised I should have scared him off with a mouthful of Glaswegian.

The Australian natives may once have been quite savage, but not now. When I lived in Australia, it was almost shocking to realise that you could walk around the city centre late on a Saturday night without being knifed, without even being threatened. Pathetic! But that was a while ago. Albert tells me Australia is catching up with the more advanced lawless places.

Where I live now in New South Caledonia, I was once chased by a headhunter who wanted to offer me a job, but so far I've not seen any cannibals.

The situation in New Zealand, where I was researching recently, is best presented in the form of a multiple choice quiz:

The original inhabitants of New Zealand were (choose one):

1. convicts sent out by the English
2. invaded by the English
   
3. cannibals
   
4. eaten
   
5. an ancient celtic tribe
   

But I stumbled on the most savage country when I recently caught up with a helpful 2007 comment by hotters, directing me to some Manky Records videos. In fact the most savage natives are found in cyberspace, where indigenous Scots are ahead of anyone else.