Monday, February 1

how to raise the energy in the pool

What a fantastic swim! I seem to have stumbled on the magic performance-boosting formula:

• spend every waking hour with deifheids and NPD sufferers, until you think you can't take it any more.

• work in an organisation so dysfunctional that it treats its staff as bad as its customers. Spend all day on a role where you are apologising to the clientele for managerial eff ups. This all helps to raise the rage levels.

• brew up a strong British cuppa.

• swim in a lane clogged with young NPD victims.

• discover a new breathing technique: hold each lungful while your head's underwater; just before your head surfaces, exhale explosively while thinking Bathplugs or Bunch Of Currants; the big inbreath comes by itself.

This honestly was the best swim ever. Not the most enjoyable but the most proficient. The Alabama coach would be proud.

- Posted from iPod


  1. Albert? Funnily enough, I had my first swim for about 15 years last week. It's too cold here to swim in the sea, but what's your excuse for using a swimming pool? Are you scared of the sharks? Hotboy

  2. Hotters, I spit in the face of sharks. The box jellyfish, stonefish and blue-ringed octopus will get you first.

  3. Albert? You must be swimming like a big jessie if you're not blowing out the breaths underwater to start with. I might have known you were into the doggy paddle! Death defying so it is, all that splashing about in a pool! Get into the sea like a real downunder person! Hotboy

  4. Not for the first time, some people are missing the point. I've always exhaled gradually underwater, it's my new explosive way of exhaling that's a big help, keeping the lungs full for the longest possible time.

    Some people swim just once and suddenly think they're an expert. Dearie me!