just for a change

Everyone knows that the northern hemisphere is the opposite of the southern hemisphere - when it's winter in one, it's summer in the other. And when it's daytime in New South Caledonia, it's night time in Europe. And water gurgles down the plughole the opposite way around. But not everyone realises that absolutely everything is the opposite.

For instance, it's Friday night here in the southern hemisphere. Time to pull up the drawbridge and slip into the smoking-jacket. I'm feeling so blissful, I can't even be bothered opening a beer. Meanwhile, some people in the northern hemisphere are knocking back beer at high speed. Everything's balancing up.

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I've been having lots of dreams. One was a nightmare. I dreamt my brother was in the habit of visiting Scotland, and to kill time during the day, he brewed cups of tea in the old flat I used to live in. He still had the front door key from when I lived there, and as long as he didn't bump into the new owner, he would get away with it.

In the dream, I broke into the house along with him, and I kept saying "c'mon, we've gotta get out before the guy comes home."

As I opened the front door of the flat and peered out, there was a lawyer with a briefcase coming up the stairs. I ran out past him, and he started shouting something like "stop thief!"

I woke up in a sweat. I know what they do to nice middle class people like me in prison.

Remember, everything has to balance up! And so it came to pass that, at the very same time as my nightmare of Edinburgh, an Edinburgh blogger had a nightmare about springing a leak in his boat in the Pacific Islands. Uncanny how everything balances up!

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I've also been having dreams about smoking, where I'm drawing deep on a cigarette, and thinking "this is gonna get me hooked again." This is what comes of visiting Ra Baccy Blog too often.

I haven't smoked anything in decades, while some people in the northern hemisphere will smoke anything that burns. It's all balancing up.

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Today I finally lost my mobile phone, after four years of ownership, during which I used it perhaps a couple of dozen times. Meanwhile in the northern hemisphere, some people are suddenly taking their mobile phones out of the box for the first time, and discovering a multitude of uses for them. Everything's balancing up.