REMO: They've taken my house. And my car. I'll have to rationalise, McGuffin. Make tough decisions. That's it! You're sacked!
GUFFIE: You can't sack me!
REMO: Get off my property! Get off it, or you'll get my toe up your arse!
GUFFIE: Keep away from me, you mad bastard! I've a good mind to set fire to your hut!
REMO: I was pretending to get drunk and go mad, but I'm as mad as a hatter. If I don't get help soon, I'm going to hurt someone, or hurt myself, or hurt the hut.
But is art imitating life or the other way round? And it's not obvious which character matches which blogger. At first I thought albert was Guffie, because he's a hut manager and he actually does stuff and has a pocket full of money, despite being owed back-pay by Remo. So hotters would be Remo which makes psychological sense too. But on the other hand, Remo is a Tory or even a fascist like me, so how could Remo be based on hotters? So could albert perhaps be Agnes, because of the dog, but then Remo would have to represent mingers, and I don't think there was any cricket in the play at all. Besides, Agnes is the only female character, so the obvious thought is that she is ion.
So I'm back to square one. But I've had an idea. If we look at the sanity levels of the four people in the play, we should be able to work out who is based on who.
The maddest character is clearly Remo. So here's a suggestion. We appoint an independent panel of judges to decide which blogger is the most genuinely insane, between albert, hotters, mingers and ion. Whoever wins is clearly Remo.
I'm willing to put up my share of the prize money. I'm donating my entire back-pay from hut management and the taxi job.