Monday, May 25

life and art

Yesterday I finished reading Jock Tampon. All blog life is there in a one-act play. Guns, money-making schemes, non-sequiturs, idiocy, there's even an allotment and a hut.

REMO: They've taken my house. And my car. I'll have to rationalise, McGuffin. Make tough decisions. That's it! You're sacked!

GUFFIE: You can't sack me!

REMO: Get off my property! Get off it, or you'll get my toe up your arse!

GUFFIE: Keep away from me, you mad bastard! I've a good mind to set fire to your hut!
.
.
.

REMO: I was pretending to get drunk and go mad, but I'm as mad as a hatter. If I don't get help soon, I'm going to hurt someone, or hurt myself, or hurt the hut.


But is art imitating life or the other way round? And it's not obvious which character matches which blogger. At first I thought albert was Guffie, because he's a hut manager and he actually does stuff and has a pocket full of money, despite being owed back-pay by Remo. So hotters would be Remo which makes psychological sense too. But on the other hand, Remo is a Tory or even a fascist like me, so how could Remo be based on hotters? So could albert perhaps be Agnes, because of the dog, but then Remo would have to represent mingers, and I don't think there was any cricket in the play at all. Besides, Agnes is the only female character, so the obvious thought is that she is ion.

So I'm back to square one. But I've had an idea. If we look at the sanity levels of the four people in the play, we should be able to work out who is based on who.

The maddest character is clearly Remo. So here's a suggestion. We appoint an independent panel of judges to decide which blogger is the most genuinely insane, between albert, hotters, mingers and ion. Whoever wins is clearly Remo.

I'm willing to put up my share of the prize money. I'm donating my entire back-pay from hut management and the taxi job.

5 comments:

  1. Albert? Fancy reading that play! I'd forgotten there was a hut in it. I think I started writing it before I had one. The good thing about plays is you can read them fast so it doesn't matter if they're rubbish! Hotboy p.s. The maddest one is Ion because she's the most normal.

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  2. It'll be a photo finish.

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  3. I say!

    It can't be any good if there's no cricket in the play. How can anyone write a whole play without a scene on the cricket ground? Cricket epitomises all of life. Play with a straight bat...show no pain...fetch the ball from the boundary...get ready for your innings...try to reach a century...someone else gives you out...and so on.

    MM III

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  4. Bugger blogger, who loses my comments.

    I tried to post something about the dearth of female characters being a misrepresentation of the real world, the 50% prevalence of the double X genotype, and then blamed all the world's ills, including not listening, the lack of knitting and war on the stunted Y-chromosome.

    Maybe blogger editorialisation was correct, now I think of it...

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  5. I say!

    "Jock Tampon" - unfortunate name. Everyone will immediately think of 'Jock of the Bushveldt'.

    MM III

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