Saturday, May 2

developments around the world

One of the reasons my friend Albert says he likes living in Australia, is that he can ignore the rest of the world. Australian media only report local news. Well Albert's blissful ignorance has now been shattered. The Aussie newspapers have published an item of world news, and even a second one.

And there's been a health warning for all the people planning to be intimate with Albert this weekend - if you notice herpes-like symptoms, stay indoors and keep quiet about it. It's swine herpes.

Meanwhile here in New South Caledonia, there have been developments. This morning I skipped porridge, and the dog forcibly skipped her biscuits. I re-routed the walk through an area of bush adjoining the freeway, where there's a branch of McUnHeardOfs. I scheduled it so that I would arrive there famished and in need of a jolt to rev me up for the rest of the expedition. I would order a repeat of Thursday's breakfast menu. Then with raisin toast, hot butter, and black tea inside me, I'd be able to walk for hours.

When I gave my order, the guy said the tea was off, and they no longer offer raisin toast. There's no demand for it. The dog was more fortunate, finding an abandoned half-eaten burger and chips, but I had to walk all the way home without fuel.


  1. Albert? Why didn't you just have the triple whopper Mars Bar in batter burger? When the healthy alternative is off, it lends the perfect excuse. I would have at least asked where they kept the dead animals! Dearie me! Hotboy

  2. hotters, it's called willpower. It could help you.