Friday, April 9

psychic chambermaid

I was just saying in a recent post about the Bavarian porn that came on the TV in the middle of the night and tried to force its way past my defences.

And how I used pure willpower to change the channel and avoid embarrassment with the chambermaid in the morning.

Anyway, in the morning something spooky happened. The Moroccan chambermaid knocked at the door and offered, in broken Bavarian, to clean the room. Magnanimously I told her not to bother. But then she got quite agitated, strode over to the bed, pulled back the covers and pointed at the sheets. She kept saying "wichsen! wichsen!" which is Bavarian for "wanking".

I was flabbergasted. For one thing, how could she know that the thought had crossed my mind in the night? And how unfair of her to assume that I had succumbed to the thought. Or had I perhaps ended up coming in my sleep? I was about to say "but honestly I didn't" when I twigged what was going on.

The word she meant was "wechseln", which is the Bavarian word for changing the sheets. Apparently she gets into trouble if she doesn't change all the bed linen. Thank goodness we cleared that up.

The pea soup the other night was served cold after all. I couldn't risk an explosion in the kettle. Even cold It was miles better than South Caledonian pea soup. Is there nothing these Bavarians can't do? Actually come to think of it, they cannot make decent TV (porn excepted).

On my last night in Bavaria, DIY room service menu was mostly by courtesy of the all-you-can-eat breakfast table - pumpernickel with cheese, liver pate and salad, accompanied by two varieties of weissbier. Dessert was yoghurt, followed by coffee and muesli bars. There may be no such thing as a free lunch, but free dinner was still on the menu.


  1. Albert? How much did you offer the chambermaid? Did you ask if she wanted to see the prostate massage dance with the feather stuck up your bum routine. Then she would have known you to be normal. Hotboy

  2. I say!

    Bavarian food has always made me rather flatulent.

    MM III