Nearly midnight. The joy of diving into bed, when you know the electric blanket has been on all evening. Surfing an ocean of hot bliss.
I've had a reader request for an end to the toilet posts, so I've decided to turn over a new leaf of toilet paper. Starting right now. There's just time to tell you what happened today. You know how it is, when you're doing something interesting, like reading or playing scrabble, and an attention-seeking crap announces itself, straining for release, but you tell yourself "I'll just finish this chapter/game/chore first."
Eventually there's a last-minute sprint to the cludge, removing your pants just in the nick of time? Except that one day you find there's already some kind of putrid poultice gumming your buttocks together. Afterwards, you have to get in the shower for a full-body bidet.
You know what that's like? No, neither do I, but it happened to Albert today. That guy's on the slippery slope to senility. I've warned him not to expect any more exposure on this blog. It could start putting people off.