Friday, June 29


I'm writing this in the plane.

You come adrift from the support system of home/job/cellmate, and tumble happily into the new support system of the airline, with its food, films and waves of booze. You're installed in your own wee adjustable pod/bed, fussed over by cabin crew. For some reason, each seat has an airbag. In a plane? WTF!

Letting go, there's an endorphin rush and feelings of gratitude, benevolence. Of course, from the airline's point of view it's just business. Like a prostitute, they're faking it. But that's beside the point. My gratitude is emotional, not rational, and it's toward the universe, not a business.

If it's toward any individuals, it's probably to the pension plan, who despite being a massive pain will probably bung me part or all of the airfare; and to the cellmate, who despite our many faults has stuck with the unconventional relationship that is our emotional home base. Our elastic ties allow her to head west to Europe, stopping in Asia to work. Meanwhile I head east to meet her, but via North America. When we come together next month, we'll slot into our flawed approximation of teamwork. Then after a week in Bavaria, we split again - she back home, and I to the old country.

I know this trip is an indulgence, an environmental sin, and a waste of money, but I have no other vices and I deserve one.

I'm blootered, by my standards at least. I may have to delete this in the morning, but for now I'll catch up on old episodes of Big Bang Theory until I fall into a drunken sleep.

Well everything has to balance up, and after a short nap you wake to a dose of reality. The crew have turned off the lights and are nattering behind a curtain. Initially they were all smiles and "would you like some more champagne?", now it's "sorry, we've run out of potato chips". The booze has worn off, everything smells of toilet, and you realize you're in a flying latrine. The movies are old and awful - the least boring one on offer is The Sound Of Music!

And the flight attendants on this airline are not exactly Singapore standard. Some are nearly as old as Albert, obviously chosen for their work ethic rather than physical grace, which is kind of as it should be I suppose.


  1. Not sure what to think about an airbag on a plane. That is very odd.

    Must be nice not to travel in cattle class. That is the only way I've ever gone.

    So are you coming to Jockoland?

    I love the Big Bang Theory, but I live an engineer who also has a physics degree. At one time or another I have all 4 of those guys to deal with.

    Flying is boring I've found. One of the reasons I've never gone down under. I find travel to the states more than long enough of a trip.

    I hope you have fun.

  2. Albert? The food looks horrible. Seems like a long time since I was on a long flight. Have fun! Hotboy

  3. I say!

    Well done having no vices. Is there a reason for this? Are you a living saint?

    Did they run out of G&Ts? Surely not.

    MM III

  4. Most interesting writing. I really like your elastic relationship which allows the oether the freedom to travel.
    Where about are you meeting up in N America?

  5. Nanners, you're so fortunate to have your own daily episode of Big Bang Theory at home. ;). PS I think the unpleasantness of flying, in any class, is mother nature's way of protecting the planet from even greater pollution. Imagine if everyone travelled to every single place they wanted!

  6. Hotters. Horrible jet lag is the price for a long flight eastwards. West is easier.

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  8. Mingers. I only managed a single light beer and half a glass of wine. I could never be a proper drinker.

  9. Chatters, thank you for visiting and commenting. In this blog, I write in the first person, except when describing anything that could get me into trouble at work or with my life partner - so I write about an imaginary "Albert".

    Obviously I'll have to delete this comment after you read it. :)