HNT open head therapy

After last week's picture I was advised to get some help.

The transcript below explains everything. It's probably only interesting if you're me, but it's all true.






Doctor Robert: Just relax, and tell me what you have to report today.

Patient: Nothing much.

Doctor Robert: Ah, but you're not trying. Just cast your mind back over this week. Does anything come into your mind?

Patient: Well, I had a smoothie yesterday.

Doctor Robert: A smoothie?

Patient: Yes, a sort of deluxe milk shake.

Doctor Robert: And ... ?

Patient: It was wonderful! I've never had one before, but now I can see why people drink them. It's like an orgasm.

Doctor Robert: Just leave the psychoanalysis to me. Tell me exactly what happened.

Patient: Well, I met Cap'n Kev for a coffee in the village, and ...

Doctor Robert: Cap'n Kev, he's the one who tried to drown you at sea, isn't he?

Patient: Yes, but that was years ago, it's all water under the bridge now.

Doctor Robert: You were saying, you had coffee ...

Patient: Well actually, he ordered a mango smoothie instead, so I decided to try one too. I thought it was safer to go for strawberry, seeing it was my first time, and ..

Doctor Robert: You said it was like an orgasm?

Patient: It was the most sustained pleasure you can imagine. It comes in a tall glass, with a ridiculous narrow straw.

Doctor Robert: "Ridiculous" - are you over-dramatising again?

Patient: Well, the drink is thick and frothy, so you have to make a big effort, you suck your cheeks in hard, but still you only get a trickle in your mouth. I was going to throw the straw away, but then I realised there's a good reason for it. It slows you way down, so the drink lasts much longer.

Doctor Robert: How long?

Patient: Well the bliss lasted about 20 minutes.




Doctor Robert: Some people have to meditate to get that. Then what happened?

Patient: Well, that's the funny thing.

Doctor Robert: What is?

Patient: As I was slurping the last froth from the bottom of the glass, I suddenly felt bereft.

Doctor Robert: Bereft?

Patient: Yes, a wave of grief washed over me, I didn't want this drink to end, ever. I just wanted the waitress to keep bringing more and more.

Doctor Robert: So did you order another one?

Patient: At $6 a pop, are you kidding?

Doctor Robert: Well, before next week, I'd like you to go back to the cafe. Order another one, maybe mango this time, and write down any thoughts that you have.

Patient: So do you think it's significant?

Doctor Robert: Oh yes, the sucking on the straw symbolises attachment to your mother's nipple.

Patient: But I was a bottle-fed baby.

Doctor Robert: Exactly! Don't you see? The smoothie you never tried until yesterday - that's the mother's milk you never tasted when you were a baby. And your grief when the drink was finished - that was you as a baby, longing for the real thing. What you experienced today was a spontaneous regression. This is most encouraging!

Patient: Brilliant! Now, can you tell me what you think about the nightmare I had last night? I fell asleep reading this Ian McEwan book and then ...

Doctor Robert: Sorry, time's up. We'll talk about that next week.

Patient: Okay. I'll be back. This virtual analysis really works. Every day I'm getting a little more normal.

If you think you too could benefit from spending some time with Doctor Robert, he's taking bookings now in the comments section.