Tuesday, August 10

major quandary

Next weekend I have to go to a deifheid dinner. I'm not sure how to play it. Which chemical path to take - blitzed and boorish, or blissed and boring. Disgracing myself would bring opprobrium but guarantee no more invitations for a while.

I can't wait for the day when they invent an invisible in-the-ear ipod.


  1. Albert? Get drunk as a skunk. After a wee while, they'll stop inviting you to anything. Just to show how shallow these relationships are. Or tell them the paedophilia didn't do you any harm. If that doesn't work, roll out the diarrhoea stories over dinner. Then pretend you've been poisoned. Hotboy

  2. I say!

    Flatulence is the answer. It's worked for me on several occasions.

    One hour before you depart for the venue, consume some smoked salmon and wash it down with a large medium dry sherry.

    You cannot honestly be held responsible for the ensuing bodily malfunctions.

    MM III

  3. Hotters and Mingers. What a wealth of toilet based advice! It's bound to help. Let me know when I can repay the favour.