Wednesday, December 7

reunions, re unions

I've been sent some photos of the recent class reunion. The bad news is that the biggest basturn now looks incredibly well-preserved. The good news is my old friend from my teenage years, whom I last saw when I was 17, looks well-preserved in the sense of having spent a lifetime pickling himself. Hats off to him though, it must have taken a lot of stamina. It would be disloyal of me to post the photo.

Albert used to defend capitalism as the least worst system ever, but the big banks have been an eye-opener, and as a protest he now keeps his gold bars in a hole in the garden. But Albert's about to experience business ethics at first hand. His employer is playing hardball with its thousands of staff, bringing in a specialist hatchet man to eff everyone around until half of them get pissed off enough to leave. Avoids paying redundancy money. The background is even more sordid and devious, and probably best told in an email. I don't want to cause Albert even more grief.

Meantime, Albert says his viewing tonight will include a documentary called My Strange Addiction: "A thirty-one-year-old woman has been addicted to sleeping with her blow dryer since she was eight years old, and another woman has admitted to eating half a roll of toilet paper every day." He's going to tape it for me.

6 comments:

  1. Albert? You are far too old and decrepit to be still going to your jobbie! You should retire or ask them to shoot you. They'd shoot you if you were a horse! Hope this helps. Hotboy

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  2. I say!

    Who became the richest?

    MM III

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  3. Hotters. The jobbie, sadly, is the only thing keeping me going. Without that, I'd have to go jogging with fat folk and fit folk. Either that or die of inactivity. Ah, now I see your game - you want me to retire and die ASAP so you can get your hands on the gold bars.

    Mingers. Hard to say. I would say not the alkie one, because drink fritters cash away, but I gather some Edinburgh folk can drink 24/7 yet still afford an overseas holiday every other week.

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  4. And folks wonder why I don't have a TV. What a waste of time.

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  5. I say!

    One can only wonder why he only eats half a roll of toilet paper every day, and not the full roll. Is he on a diet?

    MM III

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  6. Mingers. Maybe they're on to something with the toilet roll diet. Imagine! Self-wiping turds!

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