Cap'n Kev is back from house-sitting a hobby farm with its own pet wombat. I caught up with him yesterday. He says the wombat comes up to you when you're sitting watching TV, and just stands beside you with its hand on your knee. There's also a friendly but dangerous cockatoo and a very sociable pig.
When he asked how I've been getting on with the cellmate, I broke the news that we're sharing the same kettle, for the first time ever. We used to have two kettles to avoid arguments over who had stolen the other person's tea water.
She's away for a few days - fortunately I came across (not in the biblical sense) a short story by A L Kennedy. It's surely the sexiest piece of writing ever. I could scan it into the iPod for emergencies.
At the supermarket they had a new brand of condom, with extra room at one end. Watch this space for a road test, perhaps this year.
To ease the fascist heel I've been wearing my jogging shoes at work. But people have been calling me things like marathon man and baseball boy. So yesterday I got a pair of New Balance black leather trainers.
Of course when I got them home, after wearing them for an evening I realised they were too tight on the old toenail.
On the way back to exchange them today, I found a shop selling a wider pair at almost 50% cheaper. So I bought them, then claimed a refund on the first pair at the other shop. I'm sticking it to the man!