Meantime, on paper I'm really enjoying the A.L. Kennedy book. Here's a section called
THE SCOTTISH METHOD
(FOR THE PERFECTION OF CHILDREN)
1. Guilt is good.I'm not sure how much of that is still true nowadays, but people who were kids back then may recognise much of it. My favourites, if that's the word, are 6 and 8.
2. The history, language and culture of Scotland do not
exist. If they did, they would be of no importance and
might as well not.
3. Masturbation is an abuse of one's self: sexual intercourse,
the abuse of one's self by others.
4. The chosen and male shall go forth unto professions while
the chosen and femaJe shall be homely, fecund, docile and
5. Those not chosen shall be cast out into utter darkness,
even unto the ranks of Her Majesty's Armed Forces and
6. Pain and fear will teach us to hurt and petrify ourselves,
thus circumventing further public expense.
7. Joy is fleeting, sinful and the forerunner of despair.
8. Life is a series of interwoven ceremonies, etiquettes and
forms which we will never understand. We may never
trust ourselves to others.
9. God hates us. In word, in thought, in deed we are hateful
before God and we may do no greater good than to hate
10. Nothing in a country which is nothing, we are only
defined by what we are not. Our elders and betters are
also nothing: we must remember this makes them bitter