Friday, October 15

only fools and whores

Back at work after a fortnight's holiday, during which I read several books, cooled my heels, and collected some new strains of athlete's foot at the pool.

It's just downhill from here. The government should have send-off centres for people of my age, before we fall apart and burden the health system. Surely the taxpayer would come out ahead, even after paying for the Thai whore massage, the amuse bouches and the Brompton's Cocktail. It's a win-win arrangement.

Which reminds me. A couple of nights before Duneditin 2008, I was sharing an Edinburgh bedsit with the cellmate. Too lazy to run a bath in the bathroom along the corridor, I washed my tackle in the basin in the room. The cellmate said "I see you're having a horse bath". I laughed at her quaint expression. Presumably it had some obscure New Zealand origin. Maybe they used to drench their horses' pubes in a trough of tick poison or something.

I told her this week, how often I have used her expression in conversations since then. It was her turn to laugh. I had misheard her originally. The term is "whore's bath" not "horse bath". It makes sense.


  1. I say!

    I think the first explanation was the correct one - they're a peculiar bunch, the New Zealanders. Not much good at cricket, either.

    MM III

  2. Albert? Please explain. I do not understand this reference to whore's baths. Don't you think your cellmate might have had a colourful past? Perhaps that's why she doesn't object to your diseases. Hope this helps. Hotboy

  3. Mingers. At least they don't throw washing machines off balconies when they lose.

    Hotters. My colleagues in the venereal faculty tell me it's customary for whores to rinse themselves out immediately. I thought you would know that.