It's traditional to give up a bad habit as a new year's resolution. I have no bad habits to start with, so my resolution is to help other people to give up smoking.
According to a study, one genetic mutation occurs on average for every 15 cigarettes that a typical lung-cancer patient smokes.
They studied a lung-cancer victim who had built up about 23,000 DNA mutations in his lung cells over his lifetime.
By that logic my own lungs must have several thousand mutations. But at least I've stopped mutating. Unlike some people, who are what doctors describe as "too dumb to aspirate".
Maybe Australia's first official saint could help them. A woman was miraculously cured from inoperable lung cancer after praying to Mary MacKillop, the former nun now set to become Australia's first saint.
The Pope confirmed Mother Mary's second miracle earlier this month, paving the way for her to become Australia's first ever saint.
It's mere concidence that the Pope owed the Aussies a favour. They hosted a jamboree for him in 2008, when 500,000 hyper young catholics from around the world gathered in Sydney to welcome Pope Benedict XVI and read his holy text messages.