fire

Victorian Albert lives in Australia. He likes to whinge about the place. If you believe him, Australia is a third-world wild west, running on crooks, incompetents and slackers. Their politicians are forever passing new laws, few of which are ever enforced. Albert despairs over the number of criminals who are let off. As recently as the 1990s, a man could still get off a murder charge by using a defence of homosexual panic: "he made an advance to me so I had to kill him".

But I think Albert may change his tune after his recent experience. I'll let you read it in his own words.

I had several piles of tree branches and leaves to get rid of, and some left over petrol. So I thought I'd bring the two together and have a bonfire in the garden. It's illegal, but I coudn't see the harm in it. It had rained for days so there was no chance of starting a bush fire.

Next thing you know, there's sirens, and a fire truck outside, and the garden's crawling with fire brigade in full battle dress.

Because it wasn't bush fire weather I probably wouldn't be arrested and shamed on national TV. I apologised and wondered how big the fine would be.

The captain guy stood beside me as we watched his men putting out the fire. He said "your neighbors dobbed you in mate, you can't light fires these days". Then he said quietly "there's a way around the law. Next time, build your fire in an old oil drum, and have a wire grill and some sausages nearby. When we turn up, you say you're just having a barbecue".

There was no talk of a fine. They were almost as apologetic as me. Makes you proud to be Australian. What a great country this is!

So it looks like Albert is all for enforcement of laws, only "not in my back yard".