Saturday, January 28

fire

Victorian Albert lives in Australia. He likes to whinge about the place. If you believe him, Australia is a third-world wild west, running on crooks, incompetents and slackers. Their politicians are forever passing new laws, few of which are ever enforced. Albert despairs over the number of criminals who are let off. As recently as the 1990s, a man could still get off a murder charge by using a defence of homosexual panic: "he made an advance to me so I had to kill him".

But I think Albert may change his tune after his recent experience. I'll let you read it in his own words.


I had several piles of tree branches and leaves to get rid of, and some left over petrol. So I thought I'd bring the two together and have a bonfire in the garden. It's illegal, but I coudn't see the harm in it. It had rained for days so there was no chance of starting a bush fire.

Next thing you know, there's sirens, and a fire truck outside, and the garden's crawling with fire brigade in full battle dress.

Because it wasn't bush fire weather I probably wouldn't be arrested and shamed on national TV. I apologised and wondered how big the fine would be.

The captain guy stood beside me as we watched his men putting out the fire. He said "your neighbors dobbed you in mate, you can't light fires these days". Then he said quietly "there's a way around the law. Next time, build your fire in an old oil drum, and have a wire grill and some sausages nearby. When we turn up, you say you're just having a barbecue".

There was no talk of a fine. They were almost as apologetic as me. Makes you proud to be Australian. What a great country this is!



So it looks like Albert is all for enforcement of laws, only "not in my back yard".

8 comments:

  1. Albert? What a wonderful heartwarming story? Did you get the firemen to hose you down like in the old days? Great country yon! Shame about the gila monsters eating your arm off and all that. Loved the beer!! Hotboy

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  2. Albert? What a wonderful heartwarming story? Did you get the firemen to hose you down like in the old days? Great country yon! Shame about the gila monsters eating your arm off and all that. Loved the beer!! Hotboy

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  3. Hotters. Good you were able to contribute usefully to the place while you were there. Brewery shares must have dropped when you left.

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  4. Having spent a summer working as a forest fire fighter support crew, I have deep respect for fire and the danger it can do. Even in rainy weather.

    Humans are so arrogant in what we think we can control. Fire isn't really one of those things and the damage it can do is endless in lost lives and lost homes.

    Albert go stand in the corner till I get tired of looking at you. Which from here could take a while.

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  5. I say!

    There are only two reasons to strike a match - to light up a State Express, or light up a braai. Everyone knows that!

    MM III

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  6. Nanners. It's not something I'll be repeating. What gave me the biggest fright was at the start, when I put a match to the few drops of petrol I'd sprinkled on the wood to start it. Kaboom! Horrible stuff!

    Mingers. Don't they have Christmas puddings in Malawi?

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  7. Using petrol to start a fire is extremely dangerous. It tends to splash and get on you and things that shouldn't need it. Better to let the mess dry out and burn it in a barrel with a screen to keep the sparks in.

    Or take it to the local compost heap.

    I'm just glad you weren't hurt.

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  8. Albert? I never seen Vinnie these days. I used to sometimes bump into him since his hospital is near here. Anyway, I once had a pillion seat ... you don't want to know! Hotboy

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