Friday, July 22

anchors away in frankers

The last night in Bavaria, and our hero's back where it all started in Frankers, filling the minibar for a night in.

Sadly, this time I didn't have time to find a Lidl for the dirt cheap weissbier, so had to buy Paulaner at eight times the price. And in fact I prefer the taste of the cheap stuff, perhaps even over Erdinger.

Woke next morning to a Jim Morrison breakfast of left over beer.

At the airport, there were more flight crew checking in than passengers, always a good sign if you're hoping for a half empty plane for the long haul hell.

In fact it seemed as if I was practically the only passenger checking in. My heart lifted. At this rate, I wouldn't just have a row of seats to myself, I could run up and down the aisles screaming.

But when I got on the plane, it was choc-a-bloc. It seems the reason the check in queue had been empty, was that the plane had come from the U.S. and was already full of yanks.

Dearie me! But all was not lost, and I managed to score the only empty row on the plane. Here's how you do it.

While boarding's still happening, you get out of your seat and wander around looking for unoccupied rows of seats. Memorize where they are, and mentally tick them off as new passengers come on board and sit in them.

At the same time, listen and watch for the signs that boarding has finished: did you hear the door being locked? Or have the cabin crew suddenly woken from laid back mode and become busy checking people's seat belts?

That's the moment when you notice the one remaining empty row, and you jump into it. Sit in the middle seat. Mark out the seats on either side with bits of clothing or magazines.

Sit tight until midway through the meal, when everyone's trapped in their seats. That's when it's safe to get up and move your bag and other gear from your original seat.

Lie down with your headphones on. If they've issued you with an eye mask, use it. Sleep or do the breathing.

I've just realized that what I'm describing is a modified version of the towel technique used by German holidaymakers in Majorca, marking their poolside positions the night before. Despicable me. Despicable NPD.

PS, in case you've forgotten, NPD is Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Aspergers Lite.

- iPhone post


  1. Albert? What were the toilets like? Hotboy

  2. Hotters. I understand your interest in plane toilets. When you fly Ryanair, I know you have to let go on the seats to avoid paying for the toilet.

    You can do barefoot yoga in the Singapore plane toilets, secure in the knowledge the Asian beauties have mopped up all the widdle.

  3. Lucky you on scoring a row of seats.

    Traveling has become such a hassle.

    Hope you are soon home safe.

  4. I say!

    That's all very complicated. Could you run through the procedure again?

    MM III

  5. Nanners, I was the only horizontal passenger. And nobody needed it more than me.

    Mingers. Which part did you get stuck at? I could do you a video next time, except I hope there's no next time for me.

  6. I say!

    I got stuck wondering if it all happens before, or after, the first drinks break.

    MM III

  7. Mingers. Lower the trays on the other seats, and order drinks for the phantom passengers.